When a Spouse Commits Adultery, It’s Much More Than Cheating

The pain and bruises given by a cheating spouse is never really healed. Sure time can blunt the edges of the constantly pricking weapon, but it still pierces. Adultery can ruin a marriage,and in most cases does. It leaves the other partner completely destroyed. ‘A feeling of nothingness’, ‘ a life in utter darkness’, ‘constant and unbearable pain’ , are just some of the ways that victims of adultery will describe their feelings, and emotions.



Adultery is often ground for divorce and separation. Besides, there is no point continuing in a relationship where the bonds of faith and trust are broken. Yet, it is imperative to understand the reasons and crux of cheating. Sure, some people will say that such people are disloyal, compulsive cheats. Yet when a spouse commits adultery , it’s much more than cheating.

Let us take a close look at the phenomenon of adultery or extramarital affair.

Depression Often Triggers Cheating 

Depression is a fatal disease that slowly eats you from inside. You lose interest in everything and everyone around you. You begin to stay melancholy and often have thoughts of hopelessness, and death. Under such circumstances, our friends’ and family’s behavior towards us also changes. One is irritable, angry, and lost at all times.

At such vulnerable moments, when somebody who understands you walks into the scene, attraction and bonding is bound to happen. What this culminates into remains questionable. It can be a beautiful friendship,or turn into an extramarital affair.

On the other hand, if you have a perennially depressed spouse, and,no intimacy or happiness in your marriage, there are chances that you will have your weak moments too. It depends on you however to  keep this as a one time regression, and take care of his mentally ill husband or wife, or let it turn into a full-blown affair. The harsh fact however remains that, one forgets in the passion of the moment that adultery is not an anecdote to depression.

Cheating is a Result of Monotony 

In our every-minute-busy, every-minute-scheduled lives, we are walking around like robots. We wake up, follow our morning schedule, go to work, have our ready-to-make dinners (or takeaways) and sleep. Many couples do not really find the scope, or time to invest in each other at all. This results in an all pervasive disinterest and monotony. In a survey of 77 participants, comprising of men and women between the ages of 23-60, 20% claimed that they were having an affair for ‘sensation seeking’ and were just bored in their marriage.

Often , a third angle to the triangle comes in, under such circumstances. Work romances and illicit affairs are not unheard of. However, this is not a marital problem that cannot be fixed. At the same time, sometimes monotony creeps into a marriage without any reason, or even when the couple spends ample time with one another. Reinventing each other and finding love once again can be the solution, yet the course taken is that of infidelity.

Cheating Gives You an Ego Boost 

When you delve a little deeper into the phenomenon of cheating, it’s not difficult to understand that the feel good factor and sense of thrill it gives in the initial periods is enough to drown any feelings of guilt. We live in a monogamous society, but attractions are inevitable. We do not usually pursue these attractions, but when we do and, we get a response, it gives a huge ego boost.

For a married man or woman to know that he or she can get the man or woman she desires, is a confidence multiplier. Often this sense of self gratification and emotional validation also provokes us on the path of cheating.

In our short-sighted vision, and minor moments of enjoyment, we forget what all we are putting at stake. 

Cheating as a Form of Revenge

Sometimes this kind of cheating is also propelled by a desire for revenge. If one has a partner who usually has a condescending attitude, the possibility of infidelity increases manifold. Cheating becomes the way he or she can cause hurt and humiliation to the partner.

How to Deal With Infidelity? 

While there will be many who will persist that infidelity is normal, it’s not. If the cheating spouse realizes his mistakes and is truly remorseful, maybe you can give the marriage a second shot. Otherwise, mark this as an end to your marriage. If it’s happened once, there’s no guarantee it won’t happen again. It is indeed strange, that states where divorce rates are low also see a lot of adultery and cheating cases.

“ When you file for divorce, appoint a lawyer who is empathetic and not just a money guzzler. Your family is at stake. They should be one who is sensitive and authoritative and can take you through every aspect of divorce and family support.” says a famous family law attorney in Chicago.

With the legal aspects like asset discovery, contested divorce, child custody and visitation in motion, it is very important that you take care of your health and work to maintain your physical and mental balance during these tough times.